Movie parenthood with Steve Martin; Gil(Martin) is complaining about how life is complicated and has too many ups and downs, that it was too messy. Then Grandma came in and said this. It really made me think about how I see life.


Grandma: You know, when I was nineteen, Grandpa took me on a roller coaster.
Gil: Oh?
Grandma: Up, down, up, down. Oh, what a ride!
Gil: What a great story.
Grandma: I always wanted to go again. You know, it was just so interesting to me that a ride could make me so frightened, so scared, so sick, so excited, and so thrilled all together! Some didn't like it. They went on the merry-go-round. That just goes around. Nothing. I like the roller coaster. You get more out of it.

Look at me
You may think you see
Who I really am
But you'll never know me
Every day
It's as if I play a part
Now I see
If I wear a mask
I can fool the world
But I cannot fool my heart

Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?

I am now
In a world where I
Have to hide my heart
And what I believe in
But somehow
I will show the world
What's inside my heart
And be loved for who I am

Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
Why is my reflection
Someone I don't know?
Must I pretend that I'm
Someone else for all time?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?

There's a heart that must be
Free to fly
That burns with a need to know
The reason why

Why must we all conceal
What we think, how we feel?
Must there be a secret me
I'm forced to hide?
I won't pretend that I'm
Someone else for all time
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?

Sometimes I feel as if all I do is hide the real me. I mean who am I? I don't even know half the time. I look at the mirror and all I see is a complete stranger.

Today we all went to the Flea market. I swear, I end up buying some junk everytime I go there.

Yunie went with us and she was the star. Everyone loved her. They wanted to pet her and hold her. She was so freaked out it wasn't funny. She was shaking. Too many people i guess.

Well Chris, my lil bro, had a major problem with his college roomate. The little punk the school set him up with was smoking crack and pot at the same time, on the first night. My little brother is there on a ton of scholarships and all he needs is for some little rich punk to get him expelled and arrested for having that crap in the room. He is handling it rather well. I was suprised. He told the guy he had to get out and he put his foot down about no smoking crack in the room. For Chris that is a big step. He is the quiet one out of all of us.

I am so proud!

So many things have happened since the last time I posted. James and I have fought horribly. And when I told him it might not be the best thing for us to stay friends. He blew up and made me feel really guilty. I was only doing what I thought he wanted me to say.

He is the only person I felt I loved from the moment I saw him. It was like magic. I couldn't take my eyes off him. He is one of the greatest people I know. He is my best friend, well besides Joshie and Mikity.

I just don't know what goes through his head sometimes.
I have been thinking about going back to school and that means that it will be another 1-2 years before we can start anything final or even think about being anything at all. It is frustrating but I will settle with what we have right now. Because it is what is best for the both of us.

I just hope it won't be too late when and if it happens.

Well my weekend with Jamie at my house is fast approaching! I can not wait. I am a tad nervous that my family may not like him.

I actually had a job interview with an airline as a flight attendant. Jamie seems very against it since it means that I will have to move to Philly. But, it IS damn good money, and I need a job so i do not go crazy.

I really need to think about this one, before I make a final decision.

A fun new HPish RPG. Very well ran and experience is a must if you plan to RP.
Comus Regency Citadel

Well I have some sorta good news. I maybe getting a salaried posistion at work. Which means I maybe able to settle down sooner than later. I just hope that James can move here. He has an established life in NJ. I hate to ask him to move out here.

I am so happy. Less than 11 days till I get to see him! I can't wait till next Saturday. I have already been making plans and getting things ready for him. I am all a twitter.

I have been thinking more and more if I don't get this posistion at work that I might just join up. I know I have been threatening to do this for a very long time. But I am starting to think that this is the only way.

Only time will tell what my destiny will be.

So many things have happened since April. I can not believe that I went this long without posting.
Chris and I have finally called it quits. I never knew how unhappy that I was until I found James.
James is my new man. He is everything that I have ever wanted in a guy. He is incredibly good lookiing, he is funny, he likes much of the same things that I do, and he is just an all around sweet person. Bascially a male version of me. XD

Jamie(james)and I have been getting to know each other. It is a little hard because of the distance but that is something that will be rememdied quite soon.

Joshie is still the closest person in the world to me. No guy can ever take his place in my heart. Besides he has a death grip on that spot and I am scared to see what he will do if I let him go. LOL

I am going to Otakon for the first time. I am a little scared since it is so big but I am excited because it is so big. Doesn't make much sense does it. LOL

I am going early to spend some time with James and his family. Plus we are going to head down to the bay for a little romantic walk on the beach. And despite what Joshie says I am not going to get molested on the beach. That is what hotels are for. XD I don't like sand in gross places.

I am starting some new cosplay costumes. Kagura from Fruits Basket and I am doing a Hogwarts Slythrin costume. I am trying to decided if I will finish up the robe or not and just go with the vest and tie since it will be rather hot in July. I also talked James into wearing my Card Girl costume and I will be making a Queen of Hearts to go with it. Both costumes are from Mikyukichan in Wonderland. So it should be dead sexah!

Duh. You are "But WHY's the rum gone?!"
You're not the smartest one in the bunch, but
you're sweetly appealing and you don't let
disappointment get to you. Everybody
identifies with you, because let's face it, why
IS the rum gone?


Which one of Captain Jack Sparrow's bizarre sayings from Pirates of the Caribbean are you?
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